Back to Normal

These last few weeks have been different for us, with Anthony away with some friends a few weeks ago, followed by a last-minute trip for me to spend time with my brother and finally, a wonderful visit from dear friends, who are heading out this morning on the next leg of their vacation.  I have been thinking about how nice it will be to have some quiet days, and get back to normal, but I am reminded once again that in a blended family, normal isn’t so normal after all.

Over the past few years, we have settled into the predictable routine of 50/50 custody, and our big kids spend every Monday/Tuesday with their mother, every Wednesday/Thursday with us, and we alternate Friday through Sunday. So for us, one of the biggest challenges is that our life has two versions –– half of the days, we are a family of four and the other half, we’re a family of seven. Before our two little girls came along, Anthony and I used the days without the kids to enjoy some quiet time and to connect with each other the way most newlyweds take for granted.  As a new stepmother, I was especially grateful for the calm days with only ourselves to worry about, and I relished those weekends when we could sleep in or go out to brunch or do pretty much anything we wanted to do. 

But after Delilah was born, calm days completely disappeared, and we discovered that the addition of three relatively independent kiddos didn’t make our routines a whole lot more challenging.  And once Mila was here and we had an infant and a toddler every single day, we began to extra appreciate the help and distraction that the big kids brought when they were home.

The little girls have always lived in this big family/small family situation, and for a long time, they never really questioned the fact that many days, the big kids weren’t home with us.  But as Delilah is getting older, she is starting to struggle a bit with the idea that her brothers and her sister aren’t with us full time. At this point, it is kind of an unspoken agreement among the four of us that the house is too quiet and boring without the big kids there.

So it seems kind of fitting that on this day that I am grateful for a return to normal, our big kids also come home.  Now a seasoned stepmother, I willingly admit that life doesn’t feel quite right on days that we’re not a family of seven.